Script

SIDE 1

BUGSY

Can I give you a lift?

BLOUSEY

You got a car?

BUGSY

Er, no.

BLOUSEY

Then how you gonna give me a lift, Buster? Put me in an elevator?

BUGSY

It s a nice night, we could walk. Which way you going?

BLOUSEY

Which way you going?

BUGSY

This way.

(BUGSY points left.)

BLOUSEY

Then I m going this way.

(BLOUSEY moves off right.)

BUGSY

Let me carry your bag at least. Have you eaten?

BLOUSEY

Ever since I was a child.

BUGSY

Then how come you re so skinny, Smartie?

BLOUSEY

I watch my weight.


BUGSY

Yeah, I do that when I m broke too. You hungry?

BLOUSEY

No.

BUGSY

You re not hungry?

BLOUSEY

No, starving.

(As they walk, the scene transitions to a sidewalk café. A WAITER holds the chair out for BLOUSEY to sit down. The action is continuous, as is the dialogue. A surly WAITRESS comes up, chewing gum.)

BUGSY

Are you going back to the speakeasy tomorrow?

BLOUSEY

Er  no, I m gonna try my luck at the Bijoux Theatre.

BUGSY

The Lena Marelli Show?

BLOUSEY

She s walked out. They re looking for a replacement.

BUGSY

Oh, she walks out every week and every week they have auditions and every week she walks back again... But don t let me put you off.

BLOUSEY

You won t. What do you do?

SIDE 2

BUGSY

Ouch, look where you re going will you. (BUGSY rubs his shin.)

BLOUSEY

I m sorry, I m truly sorry. Oh it s you, Dandruff.

BUGSY

Don t worry, I ve had a shampoo since we last spoke. That baseball bat could be classified as a dangerous weapon you know.

BLOUSEY

My mother made me pack it.

BUGSY

You re a sports nut?


BLOUSEY

It s for protection, in case I get robbed.

BUGSY

You re a singer, right?


BLOUSEY

That depends on your taste in music. I m here about a job.

BUGSY

Did you get the job?


BLOUSEY

They said,  Come back tomorrow.

BUGSY

They always do. What s your name anyway?

BLOUSEY

Brown.


BUGSY

Sounds like a loaf of bread.

BLOUSEY

Blousey Brown.

BUGSY

Sounds like a stale loaf of bread.

BLOUSEY

Keep your jokes behind your teeth, Wisey.

BUGSY

Pleased to meet you. I m Bugsy Malone.

SIDE 3

BUGSY

Someone once said, if it was raining brains, Roxy Robinson wouldn t even get wet. In all of New York they didn t come much dumber than Roxy the Weasel. To be frank, Roxy was a dope.

(Lights up on ROXY. Offstage we hear sound effects: screeching car tires, slamming car doors, and voices.)

BRONX CHARLIE

(offstage)

Shoulders, the alleyway quick. He s making for Perito s. Benny, cover the back. Yonkers, watch the sidewalk.

(The HOODS enter: BRONX CHARLIE, LAUGHING BOY, BENNY LEE, and YONKERS. ROXY is trapped. The HOODS slowly walk towards him. ROXY backs away, taking off his hat. Impending disaster. Over this we hear:)

BUGSY

(offstage)

Dumb as Roxy was, he could smell trouble like other people could smell gas. But he should never have taken that blind alley by the side of Perito s Bakery.

BRONX CHARLIE

Your name Robinson?

ROXY

(nods)

Uh huh.

SIDE 4

GIRLS

Oh, Tallulah!

TALLULAH

I said beat it.

(They leave the way they came. KNUCKLES exits mumbling about brains.)

Long time no see, Bugsy.

BUGSY

Well you know how it is. I ve been busy.

TALLULAH

Doing what?


BUGSY

Oh, this and that.

TALLULAH

You re aces, you know that Bugsy? I ve always found you kind of special.

BUGSY

Careful, Tallulah, you re racing my motor.

(TALLULAH edges closer.)

TALLULAH

You ve got lovely brown eyes.

BUGSY

They ll be lovely black eyes if Fat Sam catches us.

(TALLULAH pouts her lips.)

Tallulah, I m warning, you... if you come any closer I ll call my lawyer.

TALLULAH

So call him.

SIDE 5

FAT SAM

... What...! I don't believe it! ... The whole gang? Everybody? Louis, Snake Eyes and Ritzy? I don't believe it. I just don't believe it!

(FAT SAM slowly puts the receiver down.)

The whole gang's gone, Knuckles, splurged. That leaves just you and me. Just you and me, Knuckles! We're on our own.

KNUCKLES

What we gonna do, Boss?

(KNUCKLES cracks his knuckles nervously.)

FAT SAM

Don't do that, Knuckles. How many more times have I got to tell you! We do nothing. We act like nothing's happened. Carry on as normal.

(There is a knock on the door. FAT SAM nearly jumps out of his skin as he leaps behind his desk for protection. KNUCKLES joins him. FAT SAM and KNUCKLES would win no awards for bravery. There is another knock.)

Go see who it is, Knuckles. Act normal.

(KNUCKLES gets up and gingerly opens the door. It's BUGSY.)

BUGSY

Uh, Sam, I was wondering... if you're not too busy... if you could give a friend of mine an audition for the club...

KNUCKLES

He's busy, lady. Come back tomorrow.

(KNUCKLES closes the door. FAT SAM leaps up and opens the door. He calls out to BUGSY.)

FAT SAM

No, wait! Wait.

(FAT SAM turns to KNUCKLES.)

We act like normal, right? So acting normal means acting normal.

(calling out the door)

Tell your friend we'll be right there.