Script

SIDE 1

TOM

(still a little confused)

Okay guys, I usually enjoy a good morning hallucination, but I have to get ready to teach my first day of classes today - so I'd appreciate it if you would all just scoot.

GEORGE

Tom, we know today is your first day of teaching. That's why we're here. We are here to help you.

(to audience)

Right?

TOM

What would really help is if I look over my lesson plan. It's going to be tough enough already.

GEORGE

Tom, it's not going to be tough. It's going to be easy. Why, when we get through with you, it'll be as easy as...

END

SIDE 2

TOM

Listen to all those congressmen arguing! Is all that discussion and debate about you?

GEORGE

Yeah, and I'm one of the lucky ones. Most bills never even get this far. I hope they decide to report on me favorably. Otherwise I may die.

TOM

Die?

GEORGE

Yeah, die in committee. Oh, but it looks like I'm gonna live! Now I go to the House of Representatives and they vote on me.

TOM

What happens if they say, "yes"?

GEORGE

Then I go to the Senate and the whole thing starts all over again!

TOM

Oh no!

GEORGE

Oh, yes!

END

SIDE 3

TOM

You want the TV? Take the TV. The TV's yours. Just leave me alone.

GEORGE

Relax, Tom. We're just different parts of you. We are all the ideas in your head.

DINA

And not just us, Tom. Do you realize how many ideas you have in your head? Just look around you.

ALL (EXCEPT TOM)

(to audience, ad-lib greetings)

Hi. Hello. (etc.)

(TOM looks around and sees the audience for the first time.)

TOM

I don't understand this!

SHULIE

Don't you see, Tom? We're every person you've ever met.

(SHULIE removes Tom's robe, revealing Tom's work clothes.)

JOE

We're every place you've ever been.

DORI

We're every thing you've ever known!

SHULIE

Feel better?

TOM

No.

JOE

You look great!

END

SIDE 4

GEORGE

Well, Tom, buddy - we've been here long enough. You've got a big day ahead of you. We've gotta go.

TOM

What? You can't leave yet. There are so many songs we haven't done yet. Like...

(sings)

ELECTRICITY, E - LECTRICITY!

SHULIE

Hey, Tom, that really is the end. We've got to get back to where we came from... just like Janet here. Right, Janet?

JANET

Right, Shulie!

DINA

You are going to make a great teacher, Tom. Good luck!

END

SIDE 5